Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
