I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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