When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
