his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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