When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
