he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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