it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
