just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
