Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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