so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
