Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
