Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
