Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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