When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
