he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
