so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I see more hoeing in ur future
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