He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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