Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
