No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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