Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
