i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
