i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize
