So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize