the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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