so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Randomize
