quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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