I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
