It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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