I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize