So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
