4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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