That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
