Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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