I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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