Already got asked if we're dating
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
