Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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