The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
