I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
