Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
