I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
