Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
