you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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