i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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