just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
