absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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