I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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