you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
