Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dicks are not precious.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
