I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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