I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
