True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
