I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
