chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
