We won't sleep together?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize