this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
