dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
