I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
