yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
