So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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