why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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