come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize