Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
