Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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