hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
