Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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