Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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