A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
