Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Randomize
