Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
