I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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