Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
