thus making me awesome and them whores
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
