Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
