Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
