i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
