I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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