i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
