Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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