Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
