So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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