Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
