I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
