I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
