Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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