She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
