he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
