They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it's like iHOP with fire
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
