I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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