The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
