I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize