doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
God I need to hump something, right now.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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