What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
