I want to make a zoo with you.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
