i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
