well I can't set my house on fire every night
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
