the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
