Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
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