that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
