i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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