just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
