I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
