the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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