Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize