Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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