Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
