yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
