The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
