I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
