Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
