On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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