Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
