he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
