Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
